what we had in paris

Decided to leave work early today so I could get the dog in out of the rain. Get to spend a little extra time online here at the house, but I would do that anyway. So I'll sit on the couch watching What I Like About You (is it me, or does this girl have a freaky big head?) or My Super Ex-Girlfriend, waiting for that one email from the ofice that will set me off. I'm so excited.
The poor dog was wet and covered in mud when I got home... she apparently hasn't figured out that half of her pin is covered. So, she got a nice rub down and her feet scrubbed. Immediately she ran for the back door (her pin is on the side of the house), ready to run around in the big yard. The rain had slowed, so I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. I let her out to find the chairs on the porch overturned in the middle of the yard. Love windy, rainy days.
But, all of the junk from the shed was gone. I walked over and tried the door... unlocked. Opened the door and everything was back exactly where it was prior to finding it on the lawn... even the shelves were back on the wall. No sign of the sheet or lantern, but the box was sitting on top of the desk.
It is a fairly non-descript box. Pine with small grooves carved around the top and a lock on the side. The key. I can't tell where the box ends and the lid begins. What does this lock open? I gotta get the key.

green grid on a white background

Apparently someone has decided to declare one of my sheds as their own. I came home last night to find the contents of my metal shed on the lawn and the door to the shed locked. Didn't keep anything in there; just an old chair, a desk and some wood used at one time for shelving (some of which was still attached to the wall prior to this removal). I don't have a key, but looked through the windows to see if anything was left inside.
It was completely empty except for a sheet, an old kerosene lantern and a small wooden box. I don't know who put this in there, or how someone has a key to the shed, but I don't like it at all. I'll be watching for the next few days to see if anyone tries to come into the yard for a nap.

leaves falling on file cabinets

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in the middle of something and can't break free? I've got that feeling right now, and I really do hope it all works out for the best.

skeletor and dr pepper commercials

Are you kidding me? This scares the hell out of me.
Celine Dion and Anastasia cover AC/DC's All Night Long
Sorry, but I will not post the video on this blog. I will point you in the right direction if you would like to enjoy your own slight version of Hostel, but no posting of this on the blog itself.

(Thank you Josh Marshall for pointing this out)

not feeling so good

The Godfather of Soul has passed
As weird as it may sound, I wanted to be James Brown when I was in Middle School. He was and will always be a bad-ass.

Man's World

I Feel Good

Sex Machine (check out the porn stache!)

i work hard for my things

So I left town for a couple of days without checking out the envelope. Just a trip to dallas for an overnight with the family. It was nice. A couple good gifts and a little time with the people I love. Didn't even think about what was hanging on my door... until I got back home.
I saw that little white rectangle with complete dread. Decided to avoid it until I got the dog inside and the car unpacked. My dog hates going for car rides; what with the getting horribly sick and all. I took her out and walked her around to help get her legs back. She really just wanted to go inside and drink a gallon or so of water. Poor kid.
We walk back into the garage and through the kitchen door. Nothing looked out of place... at first. I was too concerned with getting the dog some water and dropping the backpack that I didn't notice the sheet of paper on the television screen. I went to the back of the house and switched on the computer to check my email. Nothing. The thought of the envelope on the door hit me. Gotta go check it out.
As I walked through the living room, I finally saw the paper.
What the fuck? Ran a mental check on who has keys to my house... only Todd. The house isn't outrageously cold, don't think there are any broken windows; the doors are all still locked... it could only be Todd. Why was he here, and why didn't he take the envelope off the door? huh, maybe he took a couple movies.
It wasn't from Todd. There was nothing special about the paper... just a generic piece of white printing paper. Again, there was something written... 'envelope' at the top and 'New Years Day' at the bottom. Some weird-ass shit is going on here. I can feel the paranoia growing... someone has been inside my house. Someone has been inside my house without breaking in. I look at the envelope and move to unlock the door.
This isn't just some piece of paper folded up. There is something in this envelope causing a bulge in the lower corner... I tap it... it's soft. I do not like where this is going. I slowly break the seal and look inside.
Thank G-d! It is not a fingertip or thumb. My stomach knots loosen a little. Just a key ring. One key attached to some kind of rounded plastic tube... almost like an oversized pill, thicker at one end than the other. Wait... a key? Too small for a door. Where does this go and what does it have to do with New Years Day? I am so lost right now. What the hell have I gotten myself into?

threatening other doors

There was an envelope on my front door when I left this morning. I didn't check it out.
I wonder what my witness/accuser has to say this time. I'm a little afraid of what might be in the envelope. A small note I can handle, but a finger or something...?

Growing the deaf and short

This shit is creepy.

finding body parts on the lawn

So I started the day like most others. Blaring alarm, sticky eyes, slight headache. Grab my robe and let the dog out. Sit out on the porch for a few minutes smoking a cigarette, watching the dog run from side to side.
Back inside to check the email and hop in the shower... wondering how anyone showers before they go to bed. Doesn't matter. 10 minutes, in and out. Put on the same clothes from last Thursday and head for the door.
Crap, the dog. Grab some food and water and put the kid in her pin for the day. Lucky bitch. All day to just bum around and do nothing. G-d she must get bored.
Grab my lunch and head out into the garage. Gotta take the garbage to the curb... damn this thing stinks. Halfway out, I see it.
What the hell is that thing?
It's not every day I see a random arm on my lawn. An arm? Where would an arm come from? Is it from some christmas menagerie from down the street? wha.. is it real? Holy shit! that is a fucking real arm! Damnit! I don't want to clean up someone's arm. The trash can is close...
No unusual cars on the street, too early for anyone to be out... I grab a trash bag and toss it in the can. Put the can out at the street and go on with my day. Why didn't I call the police? I don't really know. I just didn't want to deal with it.
Nothing happened for the rest of the day... at least nothing worth mentioning (except for the earlier post about shooting me, but I've since explained that). I get home at dusk, and notice a note on the door. Figured it was from FedEx or UPS or something. I don't exactly rush to go pick it up. Thought the plants needed some water, got the mail, took the trash can in (empty, no issue). Finally made it to the door to get the note... not UPS or FedEx, just a small piece of white paper taped to the front door. Something written inside.
"Witness"
The crappy Harrison Ford/Kelly McGillis Amish movie? I don't think so. Someone saw something. I don't really know what to do about that. I mean, I just found the arm, I didn't put it there. What can they really do? Or, do they assume I was a witness to something else?
I guess I'll find out over the next few days.

this is different, it's already dead

An Office Christmas Special is re-running tonight. I could be happier, but since I am at home this is perfect.
"This is an old addage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. I knew with Carol within the first 24 minutes... of the second day I knew her." - Michael Scott

flying from the head to the window

For the love of G-d! Someone just come to the office and shoot me. Seriously, just freaking shoot me. I cannot keep on putting up with this silly nonsense from certain groups anymore. They are going to drive me crazy.

Later update:
Please forgive my previous outburst. I seem to be greatly influenced by the office crap lately. It is my cross to bear, and I will drag it down the street. I will get hung on it in a crown of thorns. I will be stabbed in the side by a Roman Spear. I will be pulled down and buried in a cave. I will rise three days later to ascend to heaven.
Why does this seem familiar?

Someone named the flying man

So I get home from a night of a shitload of drinking, and whatever else I did, to find the meteor man on the tv. Looks like I'm passing out on the couch this evening.
Oh yeah, you looked fantastic this evening. ***** *** ***********, * ***** **** ***** *** ****. Yes, you.
This section of last night's blog entry has been censored due to inappropriate drunk typing.

the eyes point different directions

I didn't put enough flour into the sauce for the apple pie so it turned into a cobbler once we tried to cut into it. I thought it was fantastic, but apparently granny smith isn't the apple of choice for a lot of people.
Oh, who cares.

Just got back from the white moustache party for the birth of our lord jeebus. Also the birth of Kathy, but mostly jeebus. I got a box of Russel Stover chocolate. Good stuff.
Got a hell of a night tomorrow. I've got to figure out how to make it to everything I want to. I've got a Hanukkah get together at Trang and Sarah's.
Break... Nas and Will I Am are on Jimmy Kimmel sampling Inna Gotta Davita on Nas' new song. Inna Gotta Davita? Really? Anyway...
I've got MIke's 30th (along with others) to celebrate. That means drinking at the Yellow Rose for a couple of hours. I've got another party downtown for some friends and finally, Julie's Christmas party. I'm going to do what I can, but 4 parties between 7 and 2 is a lot to do and even more to drink.
I expect to work during the day tomorrow; which kind of sucks because I need to do laundry and dishes and other random housework. Hopefully I can get most of the work done from the house.
Fun post this evening. Hope you enjoyed it. blah.

punch and pie

I have volunteered to bake a pie for a pot luck lunch tomorrow in my department. I'm thinking apple because apples are pretty much always in season. I will not make pecan, pumpkin or sweet potato because I think they are gross.

Anyone have any suggestions for another type of pie I should make?

Later update:
Screw you all. I'm making apple.

humping deer heads

Judah Friedlander's eye was ripped out, and Henry Rollins just lost his pants. Now he's forced to wear pink sweats. The hero is dead, the kid got eaten, the blond keeps getting sprayed with blood and Jason Mewes lost his face. The bar is boarded up from the inside... except for the open window in the basement.
The monsters puke green (acid?), have doggy sex on the car and shit out a new baby.

Make sense so far?

"We need a radio".
"Upstairs in the back of the closet... little sliding door." (So you're forced to walk into a small dark space and spend time searching)

HOLY SHIT!!! Monster cock stuck in the door!

Feast is one of the best bad movies ever.

dead monster with a burning thumb

Peter Boyle has died.

Sad.

Fairy Bastard!

I wish this girl was related to me. Fantastic!



If you haven't heard of the bastard fairies, it is time for you to take the trip.

Thank you Laura for turning me onto this fantastic, steaming pile.

The tree wears a skirt

It's not that late, so I shouldn't be too upset about being at the office. The bi-monthly duties of another department aren't being completed on time, so I will be sitting up here doing not much of anything for another hour or so. All for the cause of 'support'. I love being in control of a help desk that isn't really supposed to be a help desk.
Forget it... just a little more time to finish up some other items I need to do. The dog can wait a little longer for her dinner tonight. Poor kid, this is what she looked like last time I fed her late.

Ended up having a good night last night. Went early to have a discussion about the Jewish view of the messiah (just in case anyone is wondering, the basic idea is that the messiah hasn't yet come, but we are a hopeful people. Any day now). Sounds interesting, right? I figured, they were having beer and philosophizing, so it couldn't be all bad. It really wasn't. Interesting people, and sports on the tv behind the rabbi's head. Perfect.
Followed up the philosophy with a little bowling with m7 and monkeycat. Robin (I don't know what her nickname is going to be) made a late appearance and pushed through a game and a beer. Not a particularly good night on the lanes. 156, 131, and 89 or something like that. One beer too many, or just too weak an arm? I pick the latter... I'm quite the pussy.
Made a trip over to mark's to pick up a couple extra invites to the New Years party for some friends... those got returned to me this afternoon with a resounding nope. Thanks, jerks. I kid because I'm hurt. I don't think anyone I invited is going to make it this year (assuming Chris is going to feel too fat again)(and by 'fat' I mean stoned)... What the fuck? Oh well, I'll just have to spend a little more time actually looking for a New Years kiss this year. It was nice to kiss the Caroline last year, but I think I need someone I don't have a history with. Project!
More another time.

the hammer finds a new home

Just thought I would put this out there for those of you in love with the antics of little tommy delay.

About his blog
The importance of the blogosphere in shaping and motivating the current conservative movement is unquestionable- not only has it served as an important tool in breaking through the liberal MSM (ahem, main stream media)clutter but it has helped to keep our elected officials true to principle. This blog is meant to further the online discussion in the marketplace of ideas.

This guy is going to provide me with hours and hours of angry entertainment. Crazy Tom Delay ranting... fun fun fun!

Step 1

You ever get the feeling like you have something to say, but can't find any words? I have that problem all the time. There is a story I want to tell, but I cannot figure out where it begins. Instead I spend most nights watching dumbass shows on the television... and then I hear a quote like this:
"Penguins are cute and all, but if you cooked one, I would eat it."
Probably one of the best non Office or Earl quotes. Kudos, The Class, kudos.
Anyway, I spend most nights watching dumbass shows on television; feeling my brain slowly get eaten away by the faux laugh track. Honestly, I would like nothing more than to be one of the folks on these dumbass shows. When I gave up that dream, it didn't mean anything. I was young and stoned, I didn't care about much... didn't believe the people who told me never to give up my dreams. Instead, I sat down in front of a computer, and never looked up. Ten years later, and I am still looking at that computer screen. Sure, it is a much nicer screen and I get paid a lot more to do it, but it is still a computer screen (yes, yes, I do get the irony of complaining about sitting in front of a computer screen as I am sitting in front of a computer screen writing this).
I could sit here all night and find things to complain about in my life, but why? I got a night of bowling to hit. Let's see if I have anything worth saying next time I log onto this site. Maybe, bitch, maybe.